Shattered Emotions
by Demon Fayre
Summary: After a long time of remaining silent, Fai finally reveals his feelings for Kurogane only to have them dashed. Love and pain play a tragic role in Fai's life as he struggles with his rejection.


Rain pounded against the roof as Fai stood at the long windows of the hotel, staring out at the bizarre landscape below. Tall buildings sprouted from the earth, rising to brush against the low clouds. Just beyond them a river sprawled lazily through the bustling city.

He rested his head against the cool glass, tracing a single drop down the pane with one long finger. The suite next door was silent and he guessed Syaoran had already taken the princess to dinner as Fai had suggested. Thankfully Mokona had tagged along too. Kurogane had disappeared some time ago and Fai was thankful for the rare opportunity to be alone, even if his thoughts kept going back to earlier that day.

"Kurgi," Fai called anxiously. Curse the hitch in his voice. Curse it to hell. It would give him away. "Could I have a moment?"

Kurogane raised an eyebrow, shrugging. "Yeah, sure," he answered, setting down the paper he'd been reading. "What is it?"

Fai smiled, slowly walking towards the fountain in the middle of the courtyard, sitting on the edge and running a hand through the cool water. He ducked his head, hiding the blush that rose to his cheeks with the curtain of blonde that fell over his face.

"You're thirsty again," Kurogane stated, knowing without even having to look at the glow of his eye.

Yes, it was true. There was no denying that fact, but he shoved that aside. For now. He had to do this. He'd already put it of far too long and he couldn't hide anymore. He had to do this. He must.

He stood, slowly walking towards Kurogane who automatically leaned his head back, allowing easier access for him to drink. Fai smiled, carefully taking his chin in his hand and bringing his face down to look him in the eye. He could see the confusion written on his face, but he was past the point of no return. He plunged on.

"I love you," he whispered, quickly pressing his lips against his.

He couldn't bare to hear his reaction yet. Not yet. He needed this moment. Just this one simple second in time. His mind burned the taste of Kurogane's mouth into his memory. His tongue gently, tenderly, swiped across his lips a simple plea written upon it.

Instantly he felt Kurogane's hands on his shoulders, shoving him back hard enough that he fell on the cold paving stones as he ran a hand furiously over his mouth. Tears whelmed in Fai's eye as he watched him spit, glaring down at him.

"What the hell?" Kurogane demanded.

Fai longed to explain, but really what was there to be said? He had his answer. His lips had asked the question that had burned passionately in his heart for so long. He'd tried for months now but caved every time. And now he had finally worked up the courage and laid everything out on the table. And for what? His heart lay broken and bleeding on the cold stones of love.

He watched in shock as Kurogane turned on his heel and left, disgust etched across inch of his body. He stood, fingers trembling as they lightly touched his lips where their shared moment still lingered, warm and sweet. And the tears flowed.

Fai's body shuddered with sobs although he had long since shed the last he had. How was it possible to cry without tears? They had come on freely, pouring down his face as he'd sprinted back to the hotel room. He hadn't even glanced back as he's pushed past Sakura in the hall. He'd heard her cry of concern but it wasn't her voice he longed to hear.

There was only one person in all the worlds that mattered right now and he didn't want anything to do with him. He had taken his still beating heart, ripped it from his chest, stabbed it, shredded it to pieces, burned it in magical flame and then walked away as if it were nothing. After all they had shared, all they had been through. He had given up his own will to save his life. Didn't that mean something? He had begged to save his life. Surely that must mean he loved him…

He raised the bottle to his lips again, staring blurrily at it when nothing came out. It shattered against the wall, glass showering the corner of the room. He trudged to the table where another bottle lay in wait for the romantic evening he'd arranged. At least Syaoran had been able to use the reservations on Sakura. He had only given him an apologetic glance when Fai had stood in the doorway of the room, holding them out to him without a single word of explanation.

The roses he'd bought lay in a mangled heap on the bed, petals torn out and crumpled. The chocolates sat like a rock in his hollow stomach from where he'd devoured them in a frustrated frenzy upon reentering the room. The room he'd bought for their romantic getaway. He'd made sure to book them apart from the kids.

He'd planned everything, made sure it was all perfect. And it had all gone wrong. So horribly wrong. His fingers grabbed at his blonde locks, tugging in frustration. Where had he messed up? He'd been so sure of Kurogane's feelings. Those guarded looks, the electricity that flowed between them; they had all been his spies, telling him what he'd known to be fact.

His hand pounded on the window, shaking the glass as fresh tears began to flow. He loved him. Didn't that mean anything? How could he just take him for granted like this? His feelings meant nothing to him. His knees buckled and he sank to the floor, sobbing.

"No," he whispered, shaking his head violently. "NO!"

Failure. Rejection. The words reverberated through his head as he sat there, letting the tears spill down his face. No, somehow Kurogane would love him. He had to. Why else would he go through the trouble of allowing him to drink his own blood for all eternity? He knew it. He just hadn't admitted it to himself yet. Well, he could change that.

As if in reply to his thoughts a soft knock issued on the door, followed by the voice he'd longed to hear. It sent a pang through his heart and he was shocked to find it was still intact. A sign! If it wasn't completely broken then there was hope.

"Fai," Kurogane called through the thick door. "Can I come in?"

How foolish he'd been when he's agreed to share a room with him. Foolish in deed. He nodded, and then realized he couldn't see him and stood, stumbling to the door. He made no attempt to wipe away the tears as he yanked the door open, allowing him to plainly see the hurt he'd caused.

He watched his eyes quickly dart away, avoiding contact as he walked towards the chair in the corner and heavily sit down. Fai sniffled, heart still aching. His thirst was still there, but feeding now would only lead to disaster again. He shook his head, trying to clear it, but as if to pound in the fact Kurogane was still sitting there avoiding him when he looked up.

He could feel the tears coming on again and was torn between forcing him to watch the pain he'd created or else vanishing into thin air, if only it were possible. But what good would his breaking down here do? His answer had been clear. He'd rejected him. So why should he comfort him in his time of need? No, he was probably laughing at him right now; laughing at his stupidity. Only a fool would throw his heart out there on the line like that. Yes, he was a fool. Hadn't he known that only misfortune followed him?

"I'm going for a walk," he nearly shouted, slamming the door behind him as he practically fled the room.

The rain that had pounded the city all day had turned into a full blown storm by the time Fai finally returned to the dark hotel room, quietly shutting the door behind. He left the light off so as not to disturb the sleeping Kurogane. He quickly averted his gaze as he passed the mirror, knowing full well that his eye glowed golden at the moment.

He stood for a long time, staring down at him, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as he had so many times before. His slender finger reached out, lightly pushing a strand of his ebony hair from his face. His heart raced at this simple contact and he clenched his jaw to keep from crying out as his heart twisted in agony.

"Fai?" Kurogane mumbled in his sleep, turning.

His eye widened, backing into the shadows. A faint whistling filled the room as thunder clapped overhead. Lightning flashed, illuminating the room for a moment. Kurogane had sat quite suddenly, staring in Fai's direction. Then his face relaxed as he stretched a hand to him.

"You're thirsty." It was a statement, not a question. "Come here."

Fai accepted his hand, allowing him to be lead to the bed where Kurogane sat, neck pulled back for him. He hesitated for a moment, remembering earlier, but his thirst won this time and he drank, a strange pleasure filling him as Kurogane hissed in pain.

"Kurgi," he whispered into the darkness when he'd finished and the fresh blood on his tongue had cleared his mind. A confession rested on his lips, but then Kurogane turned to look at him, beautiful blue eyes staring back at him.

"Yes?" he asked softly, bringing a hand up to wipe away the small trickle of blood that had made its way down Fai's chin.

Fai smiled, leaning into the contact, taking his finger with his lips and sucking the excess blood from it, lapping lightly. Kurogane grinned in response, his free hand coming up to lock behind Fai's head, clutching at his hair as he pulled his finger from his mouth, bringing his own down to replace it.

For a moment Kurogane's eyes flashed back to crimson, widening. He felt the shoves on his chest, but he deepened the kiss as they slowly faded back to blue. "That's right," Fai purred into his lover's throat as he rained kisses down on his skin, ripping away his shirt to reveal the muscular chest underneath. His fingers raked through the dark curls there as his lips fell to his tight nipples.

"Fai!" His head snapped up in fear, but it had only been a cry of pleasure and he smirked, returning to the task at hand.

His dexterous fingers worked the button loose on his pants, shivering in anticipation at the sound of the zipper coming free. He shrugged free from his own clothing, pouncing onto his companion's stomach and burying his face in his hair, drinking heavily of his mouth again. His tongue flicked deeper, begging.

Slowly, deliberately, he made his way lower, hands teasing as they touched delicate skin. Kurogane was fighting again, struggling as his lips came down on his hardness. He nipped softly, bringing a forced groan of pleasure from his lips before continuing. Blood boiled in his veins as he quickened, sucking harder as sweat popped out on Kurogane's chest. His fingers swirled in their small pools and he quickly pulled back, blowing across the slick surface, a satisfied smile perched on his face as he watched him shiver.

Kurogane arched under him, hands groping across the covers, grabbing handfuls of material. His legs came up, wrapping around Fai's slender waist, pinning him there while his blond locks bobbed between them. His hands splayed across the sharp planes of Kurogane's chest, teasing his nipples into tight peaks. He lapped the base of his erection for a moment before taking just the velvet tip into his mouth again. He smiled, listening to the moans of desire he was creating.

"Fai," Kurogane cried out, suddenly grasping his head in both hands and pressing him down onto his shaft with all his strength. "Fai! Oh god… Don't stop!"

His head bobbled faster, sucking harder with each stroke. He brought his hands down for added pleasure, massaging the sensitive area behind his balls. He felt Kurogane go ridged under him, gasping wildly as he flailed about, and nails digging into his shoulders.

"I-I'm…" he nearly shouted as something warm and salty rapidly filled Fai's mouth. Kurogane collapsed back onto the sheets, panting loudly as Fai slowly emerged from between his legs, licking his lips.

He stared down at him, the smile of triumph across his face quickly fading as Kurogane's eyes opened, flashing crimson again. He sat, staring in disbelief at their tangled naked bodies. Before he could say anything Fai threw himself at him, knocking him backwards. They wrestled on the sheets momentarily, bodies twisting together as they fought.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kurogane demanded as Fai landed squarely on his back.

Tears stung the corner of his eye as he stared down at the man he loved, struggling beneath him. Pushing down hard on his back, he forced his legs apart with his knees, ignoring the angry shouts directed at him from where they were being hurled into the sheets.

"Why don't you love me?" Fai gasped, choking back tears. He ground his hardness against him, gently prodding him. He sobbed softly as he felt him fighting back against his offer. He parted his lips, ready to whistle again and calm him back into the enchanted stupor, but then Kurogane turned his head, shouting.

"Get off me, bastard!"

Fai screamed in rage, plunging deep into him, a bizarre satisfaction in his head as he heard him cursing aloud at the sudden intrusion. He rocked his hips, oddly enjoying the torture he was causing him.

"You made me do this," he sobbed aloud, thrusting harder. "Why? Why won't you love me?"

Harder and harder he pushed, holding the still struggling Kurogane down with both hands. His vision was a sea of tears as he listened to the screamed protests that issued from the sheets he was biting on. He knew he was hurting him but it wasn't enough. He wanted him to feel the same pain his words had caused. He wanted him to break the way he had. He loved him. He hated him.

Emotions tore through him, ripping his mind in half as he plunged one last time into him, his seed spilling forth as he let out a soft whistle and collapsed beside him. Kurogane's eyes had faded into a soft blue again and he cried into his chest as his arms parted, allowing him into a welcoming embrace.

"Come here," he comforted in a dead voice, cradling him close. "What's wrong? That was wonderful."

He sobbed into the hollow of his throat, lightly biting down in hopes that the fresh blood might drive the demons from his mind. His chin was abruptly brought up as Kurogane pulled him into a passionate kiss.

"I love you, Fai."

Fai sat for a long time, watching Kurogane sleeping peacefully beside him, his naked body entwined in his. He sat, a twinge of pain ebbing at his heart as he reached out for him in his sleep, smiling. He swung off the bed, slowly padding barefoot across the floor, feeling the shredded rose petals underfoot as he made him way to the sink.

He stared at himself in the mirror as he splashed cold water on his pale face. What had he done? What had he become? His eye flashed golden for a moment and he lunged at his own reflection, fist connecting with the mirror in a cascade of shattered glass. He felt the rips in his flesh as he drew his hand back, blood dripping down his wrist.

Behind him he heard the bed creaking as Kurogane woke to the noise. He stared into the broken remains, searching for the man he remembered, but seeing a complete stranger glaring back at him.

_The magic should be wearing off about now, _he thought, watching the mirror as Kurogane slowly sat, groaning in pain.

"What have you done?" he heard him mutter, his hand reaching for his sword. "What did you do to me?"

He didn't even bother to turn as he rapidly approached him, whipping him around to shout in his face.

"Well, answer me, damn it!" Kurogane yelled, grabbing him by the hair and forcing him to look up at him.

He took an unsteady breath, slowly raising his eye to lock onto his. "I love you, Kurogane. I always have. I never meant for this to happen. I only wanted you to love me too. But not like this… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

"The people I love always end up getting hurt. But I never wanted to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I just thought if you were to see how much I cared for you that you'd feel it too… I'm so sorry…" The tears were flowing again, but he made no attempt to wipe them away as he shut his eye, sobbing freely. "I loved you… I loved you…"

He felt himself being released and fell to the floor. He lay there for a moment, hearing the rush of his own blood pounding in his ears. What had he done? Behind them he heard the door knock open and gazed up as someone screamed.

Sakura stood in the doorway, hands covering her mouth as Syaoran quickly attempted to pull her away. Slowly his head rose to where Kurogane stood over him, sword raised in attack.

"You bastard," he muttered.

The flash of metal. An echoed scream. Pain, sharp and clear as something warm followed from his side. He was falling, forever falling into the abyss. And darkness was complete.

Fai woke in a cold sweat, staring wildly about him as he jerked upright, covers falling off him. Bright sunlight filtered in through the open window, splashing across the bench where he sat. Slowly he gazed back at the bed where Sakura lay, hand stretched out to cover Syaoran's.

"You ok?" a gruff voice called from the corner, causing him to yelp in alarm.

Kurogane leaned against the wall, polishing his sword as he cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Ahh, um," Fai stuttered, scrambling for words. "Good morning, Kurgi."

His sword quickly came up, pointing at his heart. "Call me that again and I'll kill you."

Fai swallowed hard, racing from the room with a strangled shriek.

"What was that all about?" Syaoran asked, rubbing his eyes.

Kurogane shrugged, staring after their blond companion. "I don't even want to know."


End file.
